ep 19: Subversive Summer Reading

This week the Oracles are adding “overachievers” to their many titles and accolades by knocking out their summer reading lists early. However don’t be fooled into thinking they’re apple-polishing milquetoasts; for when all the “outdoor kids” were off playing sportsball your hosts had their noses buried in the bawdiest, juiciest, and wildest YA they could find, and they’ll joyride that train all the way to a library co-signed personal pan pizza. Features special guest Kate Whitney co-host of the latest Outrageous Mechanisms show, Space Bras!

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Andrew Crawford
ep 18: Dumb Paint Color Names pt 1

On our latest episode the Oracles attempt to bring a little color into the world, and in doing so learn thing or too about parade float supplies, ballistic gel genitalia, fur diapers, and much more! Come along for the ride but please leave your mayo at home.

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Andrew Crawford
ep 17: Summer Jams 2

Summer is finally upon us and to celebrate we're letting loose a previously unreleased follow-up to that CO classic Summer Jams, aptly titled Summer Jams 2. Originally recorded over the summer of 2017, this time around the oracles count down the #1 and #2 songs from 1977–1984, take a two month break, then pick back up with 1985–1996.

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Andrew Crawford
ep 15: Modern Greek Choruses

Don't you hate it when you're watching a movie and don't know how to feel? Lucky for you, the ancient greeks felt the same way and came up with a clever solution: the aptly named, Greek Chorus. It's worked so well over the centuries that we still use it today, and that's what our latest episode is about, modern greek choruses.

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Andrew Crawford
ep 13: illegitimate Children of Zeus

On our latest episode, the Oracles bravely laugh in the face of the fates by taking a look at children of one of mythology's greatest cads, Zeus. We'll cover everything from dehydrated celestial bears to egg shell hats and golden showers, all of which help us to better understand the greatest lesson of the ancient greeks; Zeus is an asshole. We prophesize that you'll love it.

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Andrew Crawford
ep 12: Go to Products in Supermarket Sweep

Is this one of your fantasies? You see a big beautiful supermarket and they say "go ahead, do what you've always wanted to do! Make terrible sandwiches, frantically dig through bins of canned food, and wear a dickie!" No? What if you got to do all that and get chased by men in rubber monster masks!?! 

Join the Oracles this week as they whip through the aisles in their cheapest primary colored sweatshirts and categorize some of the weirder bonus items from one of TV's most peculiar game shows, Supermarket Sweep

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Andrew Crawford
ep 11: Awkward Oscar Moments

What a night folks! Hollywood’s greatest stars, both human and cardboard, are out and breathlessly awaiting the arrival of this week’s episode — and look who just arrived! It’s a stretch limo with all three Oracles packed in like sardines with a list just dripping in couture and jewels! They’ve got all the great Awkward Oscar Moments with them, from Adele Dazeem to the hottest “It” couple Rob Lowe and Snow White! This will surely be an episode you won’t want to miss!

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Andrew Crawford
ep 10: Retired Conversation Heart Quotes

Remember being in elementary school and shifting through an impeccably decorated shoebox only to find impersonal Valentines your classmate gave you out of obligation? Remember that first February 14th after a brutal breakup where literally everyone else is eating steaks with their true loves and you’re just huddled with a crispy chicken salad wishing you could set yourself on fire? Well, this episode is all about blowing those hollow sentiments and bitter disappointments out of the water as the Oracles come to grips with stale sentiments printed on staler conversation hearts.

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Andrew Crawford
ep 9: Summer Jams

Winter bringing you down? Throw off your snowshoes. pop on your sandals, and join the Oracles as they take a look back at the most popular summer jams of the last couple decades.

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Andrew Crawford
ep 8: Cults

On this weeks episode, the Oracles have turned their eyes on some of America's most notorious cults and encourage all CO listeners to have a happy, healthy, and cult-free new year.

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Andrew Crawford
ep 7: Rudolph: The Red Nose Trilogy

You know Rudolph and Hermie, and Yukon Cornelius. Donner, the Bumble, Santa, and Missus (Claus). But do you recall, the least famous Christmas creatures of all?

Well, if you don't then pop on a pair of headphones and come with us on a journey through the ragtag menagerie of idiots, clock monsters, and elder gods that populate the trilogy starring everyone's favorite mutant reindeer; Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Rudolph's Shiny New Year, and Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July.

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Andrew Crawford
ep 6: Pop X-Mas Songs

Hello-ho-ho faithful listeners and welcome to the first annual Categorical Oracle holiday episode. This week, we three oracles have traveled far to deliver you this nicely sorted list of pop Christmas tunes. So post up by the fire, pour yourself a pot of toddies, and unwrap our latest episode. 

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Andrew Crawford
ep 5: Thanksgiving Potluck

In this very special Thanksgiving episode the Oracles are hosting a potluck! Get your lips smacking and your chops set because we’ll be carving up three mini lists this time around. Our buffet table is groaning with items each host is especially thankful for; a baker’s dozen of La Croix flavors, platters of famous cats, and to finish off, massive slices of Meat Loaf’s album covers.

 
 
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Andrew Crawford
ep 4: Fan Theories

This week Kelly has trawled the depths of fan theory message boards and has delivered a net full of flimsy connections, shaky reasoning, and soggy literary criticism for Mary and Andrew to pick apart. How many portmanteau categories will we Frankenstein together? When will our Oracles start loosely interchanging slightly overzealous media fans with conspiracy theorists?  Will this podcast once again trigger Dave Coulier’s Google Alert on himself?

SPOILERS: too many, very early on, and most definitely.

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Andrew Crawford
ep 3: Halloween Candy

Sit back boys and ghouls and sate your sweet tooth (fang) as Mary, Kelly, and Andrew take you on a sugar-soaked odyssey through everyone's favorite holiday treat, Halloween candy.

If you find your belly aching that just means your having a good time

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Andrew Crawford
ep 2: 90s Sitcom Intros

We’re shamelessly cashing in on the Buzzfeed-laced nostalgia craze and digging into classic 90s sitcom intros. These multimedia “handshakes” take us back to a simpler time, when teenagers loved clip art, jazz was the height of sophistication, and fathers had baldfaced contempt for their families. As consummate organizational professionals, you can count on Mary, Kelly and Andrew to suspend sentimentality and zap the schmaltz with the grease-fighting power of Dawn dishsoap and a blatant disregard for Dave Coulier’s feelings.

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Andrew Crawford